Tuesday, October 17, 2017

"Get up", he whispered
"I can't",I said, there are too many
"You were made for this", he said

What am I against the forces, the powerful of this world

"you are not alone, there are many unseen forces  waiting, watching".

"I feel alone" I whispered back


"Go to the Island, there you will find comfort, they are waiting for you."

NEVER fear love.

You have ruined me,
taught me how good it can be;
what if I lose it?

          This post is inspire by a friend Trina on facebook. I've stopped posting about love and romance in my blog, after a rather traumatic experience with a man. I feel soo disappointed. I was vulnerable with my posts and he took advantage of that. He didn't deserve me. He took away a part of me. He couldn't see past his selfish desires.  These posts aren't meant for you to get off on. They are for a king, and you are nothing but a rat, and a peasant. You will never be good enough for me.  You were never taught respect. I damaged your property, it was done on purpose peasant. I hope your wife leaves you.

Monday, October 16, 2017

I often ask myself why am I here.On days such as today when everything seems dark, I yearn for the light. I listened to some JDR...I could feel his energy mixing with mine. calming the wounds.

I don't know why I feel so drained today. The more I fight the system the more drained I become. I haven't done activist activities in years. It used to be my passion. Now it stresses me out. Trying to make a difference. It's like a full time job. It feels so few are willing to speak up. Even though I've upped my vibe on facebook by adding empaths, activists,and just generally people that are spiritual.
I don't know what my purpose is

Day 18 of 365 -,,-

Goal get my sensitivity back. Green juice!
This picture isn't entirely accurate... It is our job to raise the frequency of humanity.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Thursday, October 12, 2017


I've gotten rather attached to this city, and my favorite cafe's. The secret places I only know about, the good places. I know I have to go, but it is with a heavy heart. I don't know what awaits me. I have a love/hate relationship with earth right now.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Day 13 of 365 "Let your actions speak for you" I'm still working on this First step of my principles, Below is the journal I use to record my actions throughout the day. If you let your actions define you, there must be a way to become more self aware thus the first step. Remember to also be gentle with yourself otherwise you risk putting too much pressure on yourself doing this exercise, especially if you have a condition such as Schizophrenia. To make an action stick in your cognitive memory you must do it many times.My goal is to focus on this aspect of repeating actions. Such as establishing a morning and evening routine. When you sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time. These are just baby steps until you can work on bigger things, important things. Discipline takes practice.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Day 12 of 365
With school out of the picture(for now) I feel directionless. But I did find a way to contact my star family after being 5 years without them. So maybe I will focus on that. It is of the utmost importance that I contact them. I'm starting to forget. Forget them and forget my purpose. This is a huge crisis of galactic proportions. It's not good for a starseed to forget else they devolve. I am sure there is a real danger in this for us. I have found a place where I can feel them a lot more pronounced than in the bigger cities.

Sunday, October 8, 2017


current book I'm reading, haven't read it in ages..

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Day 9 of 365 I am the only one who can fix this.-,,- Just found out that my brother has bipolar...now that's three of us in the family. When tragedy strikes it spares no one. I'm not sure how my family will survive. I've tried being the strong one but no matter what I do there are forces working against me to undo that. They don't want me to succeed. My dad hasn't had work in weeks. I don't think he's coping to well either. I'm scared for my dad...he's had to be the rock...i dont know how much more of this he can handle.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

No mask, no jdr...and these are the nicer ones.Day 7 of 365
 I want to shine on my own because it’s real and it’s coming from me.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

                                                       kindness, compassion, peace
Dear Mom, I didn’t understand what you were going through, all I knew is I had to save you.Now I understand, now I know what it was that you were fighting. Now I understand why I am here. I saw your suffering and I wanted to save you. I will FOREVER be at your side. You are not alone. You have light on your side...may the light that resides within me shelter you from the cruelty of this world.
Starseeds...out of compassion for all the earth’s people.

                                         Day 6 of 365
                                 After watching the hunger games I noticed how my mood changed...I just felt sad and not uplifted. Ever notice how all your favorite movies have violence and blood shed in them?
I do believe this is done on purpose. Even some of my favorite movies such as Harry Potter and lord of the rings have it. I have stopped reading the newspaper, magazines and watching t.v. a long time ago but movies was my weakness. I feel left out of society somehow not a part of it. It just shows how effective the brainwashing is if you literally feel like a part of you dies because you don't watch movies. If I want entertainment I will read a book or blog, or find other hobbies that are fulfilling and better my life instead of dumbing me down. If I can't entertain myself without movies it says a lot about me as a person. It says I'm not yet as free as I thought. I also believe that things such as television and the internet separate people, instead of bonding with each other we bond with the internet and our t.v.'s is this the society we want?

Other activities to promote family bonding...cooking together, going for walks

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

                                   i miss home..i miss my star family..I promise to get you back.

                                                     Day 5 of 365 -,,-

Monday, October 2, 2017

Day 4 of 365 -,,-
-No Doubt
-Make each day more special than the last
As part of my self -care routine today is spa day

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others.Buddha

                                              Day 3 of 365 -,,-  

Saturday, September 30, 2017

I went to a cafe and sat with a journal and just let the pain pierce me. Later on in the day I met up with my mom, you can see from these pictures the pain on my face, some are more obvious than others. I only sat for about 20 minutes, maybe less. I’m sure if I would have sat there for longer the haunted look on my face would have been more obvious. Anyways, I met my goal for today. I will do that again tomorrow until it gets easier.
                                   Day 2 of 365 Let your actions speak for you
If feel like everything is covered up. The face I put on is like a mask.I want to feel alive again for real. I HAVE to feel again. My task for today is to my favorite place and journal. I don't do it anymore because it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.I don't care if there are people there talking to me ...I will do this.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Okay, I moved to stop the paranoia and it worked for about a month. I was in a good neighbourhood (not downtown). It was good but I had some stuff happen with my roommate. Really shocked. Anyway I'm back downtown. I've decided to postpone school for a little while. I bought a new citrine pendant today to cheer myself up from my stressful week.

I have a fear that the paranoia will come back now that I am back in this environment. There was a guy standing by the book store today. I was in there for 30 minutes and he was still standing there staring into space it really creeped me out. He wasn't even a bum. What was he doing there? That's how my mind works...it hooks on to anything odd and out of place and it's me they are targeting. Then the paranoia sets in and I become stressed out big time. It's not healthy. New project...the quitting smoking has been put on the back burner after 3 failed attempts. I need to recover from that. 
So after I decided to defer school due to reasons I won't mention. I thought of a new project...my ND has been bombarding me with info I've been watching video after health food video. I told her I want to go vegan. I bought a cookbook because I have no idea how to cook vegetables and make them taste good. It's like an art form.I'm used to cooking but only if I have a recipe. 

I bought this green juice from planet organic. I have to be careful with health foods, my body reacts really strangely to too much healthiness. I'm not sure why. Dr.B. said I was hyper sensative to everything..and we needed to work on getting my body to not be so sensative. I saw naturopath after naturopath over the past 5 years and they put me on every vitamin. I've tried homeopathy, Chinese medicine, every time I would get a reaction. This new naturopath is an expert on mental health, she said we will leave the vitamins for now and just work on a healthy diet, try to get my body in balance.
I feel like I'm in a maze trapped unable to find my way out, going in circles with no results.It's been like this for years. Actually that's a lie, there has been some improvement. I want more though...and it's not happening fast enough for me, especially where diet and lifestyle is concerned. It's curcial that I get that under control. I WOULD have begun if it wasn't for the paranoia or people sabotaging my efforts on purpose. 

Anyways about my new project I've been watching video's on the vegan lifestyle. I've decided to go this route because because #1, I watched cowspiracy and apparently animal farming is harming the environment more so than even fossil fuels! #2 I have always felt guilty eating meat, I used to be vegetarian for 5 years in junior high. I can't remember why I started eating meat again. but since I was little I've always felt badly for eating animals. I want to stay true to myself. #3 to raise my frequency I had a "knowing"..that this was what my next step should be, call it a vision, a sensing but 
I just know that the earth is changing into a higher state. I don't have much more information than go vegan, maybe even raw. Maybe it's my brother's from the stars that sent me this information.I will do it and see how my body reacts to it. 

I have tried to reach my family for a while now. I know they are out there but this is the only clue I have gotten into how to get in touch with them. Let's see what happens if I make me body lighter and higher frequency. 

Monday, September 25, 2017

Thursday, September 21, 2017

When charis left it's like a part of me died. But it doesn't have to . I am still starseed and I am still no where near where I used to be. I can be my own inspiration. I've done it before and I can get back there again.Someone else doesn't define you when you are born into something.I'm not as emotionally sensative as I used to be, but I can get it back. The last transmission I got before I went on meds and they numbed me out was to go vegan.I guess vegetables raise frequency and vibration.I tried in the past but withlittle success. I will be working closely with my naturopath to make this a reality.
I've decided todefer school for the time being.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

                                                 Got accepted to University...

Monday, September 11, 2017

I tried the Allen Carr book for quitting smoking...I failed I don't know every time I try all this pain comes up that I don't know what to do with...It's TOO much. I spoke to my Naturopath and she suggested reducing but then I'm still left with the pain.More JDR I don't know.

Block party..