Thursday, July 30, 2015

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Your poisonous venom spreads putting doubt in my mind, yet I feel helpless to fight it off. The strength needed, the sureness in word and action is gone and I am left floundering like a fish on dry land. What I wouldn't give to have some of the zeal to put you in your place. How freely you say words that do such damage. Let these words stand as an oath written for all to see that I will not forget. Caring about someone if not enough you have to show it in deeds.

I swore I would never let others treat me badly, here I am breaking that promise to myself. It's the worst kind if betrayal. People start getting comfortable in their crappy situations. They let things slide so far that at the end of the day they cannot look at themselves in the mirror. I can't think of a more disgusting situation, something that provokes my stomach to turn. How many chances does a person need before they right their wrongs. Truth is I've been they idiot giving them. I came back because I felt like it was my fault things fell apart. I walk away because you didn't even try. Why do I have to be the strong one to stop things from falling apart, why do I have to fix things. I was hoping you could be strong that you wouldn't fall apart but I would rather be dead than be in a situation like this.
I'm just so scared of letting go, afraid I will fall into this abyss that no one will recover me from.
                                 Sometimes your soul can look like the blackest ink.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Friday, July 24, 2015

The thought of you makes things more tolerable.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Why weren't you there?
Sometimes when I want to scream I feel like there will be no sound that comes out and no one will ever hear it. This is why schizophrenia is one of the loneliest diseases.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

I want to crawl into your arms and wail like a small child of the horrors that are before me.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Sometimes pain is necessary to achieve our ends.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

I try to sit back and remember all the things that you taught me. But I feel like I was robbed of the happiness that was mine.My world was shattered. Like being on a plane going to some tropical destination, blissfully oblivious of the danger that's about to unfold. The plane gets hijacked and you become part of a nightmare. That quick from bliss to horror. Now you are stuck in this disaster figuring a way out. Don't panic.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Found this nice place in Yaletown, also applying to art school soon.

                    Being parted from you is the worst sorrow I will ever know.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

                                            Day 18

A part of my heart has been damaged. I think the better part of me where empathy ability to feel compassion for others, where wisdom resides has been taken away and has hardened. I wish to get this back and be the sensitive, caring person I once was. I don't feel like myself. I am crying inside for this missing part if I could go back in time I would change things and be more aware. Do I have to give up living a life of principle and unlearning everything I learned before.I would make life a lot more chaotic and unstructured..why does it have to be a choice? I guess I have to make a choice if I don't want things to end up worse I don't want to drift farther away from my true nature.

I've never been able to navigate this world like I should. You gave me that ability to be more comfortable, proud, and happy. But you also took a piece away from me that has more value than happiness.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

This is my chance to overcome it, but the fear runs deep in my veins.It's like battling Goliath and you imagine by some small miracle, by chance, by luck you'd win. I've faced demons in the past, the fear of death. Nothing comes close to the devil in front of me.
My emotions are a jumbled mess, the puzzle pieces don't make sense. A broken heart can take years to mend, yet the breaking can take seconds. This is humanities true curse.
The last four years have gone by in a blur.
                                          Sometimes we can be so terrified of something so when you think you are ready you put one toe in the water only to change your mind again.The fear can be so strong that it's incapacitating. You know you have a chance to be this strong and confident person. The power with which the feelings hit you is almost like it stuns you to the core. It terrifies you but at the same time it builds a yearning in you. It feels right.